Hello, to whoever it might concern. This journal is directed to one particular person, (who I must say has little problems expressing himself correctly in english) but feel free to attribute it to yourself, for I know that many people may think like he does (although may not be as *insert any insult here* as he can be) and I would like to try and make a point here.

You know, it's funny, because you are right on some points. Things are indeed not always ending up as we imagine them: You see, I actually wanted to e-mail you to tell you a bunch of things I'm about to tell you now, in front of anyone who cares to read (but you are lucky, no-one really reads my journals). But you wrote to me and so things have changed! I have decided not to wait and post this on my journal entry, just as you did. I was also going to be indulgent, cause the note you left me was kind of friendly, so I calmed myself, for I was already pissed. But when I read what you actually wanted me to read, I changed my mind again: I will be as harsh as I possibly can. You see, things can change! But as we're talking about this, I want to specify this: It was supposed to be that way.
I didn't think it would be, nor could I predict it, but it happened. And it has nothing to do with freedom of your decisions, or with being robots without feelings, nothing stupid like that. It's not predetermined. It's more than that, it's something higher, it's metaphysical. It's hard to explain, words are chains. It is, it exists, and so just by that simple fact, it was supposed to be. Time does not exist, everything is everything, there is no future, for it is only projection, there is no past, for it is only memories, there is only the present, which makes everything connect and be. But then again, as I already told you, if you never FELT what I am explaining to you, if you never LIVED what I am talking about, there is no use of trying to explain, cause you will only try to reject it and/or misinterpret it.

I hope, as you reclaimed, that I will help you to understand my "type", and my god, I would really be flattered if I helped you think, as you suggested. I would really enjoy being able to help you evolve, and I see that I kinda had an effect on you, seeing how you are now really concerned with that problematic. It is already a start, but i can honestly say that I ain't sure about your receptivity on my way of thinking and saying it, and I really think a guy like you would really rather change, but won't.

Here's what I really wanted to talk about: My evil selfishness.

You talked about that in your journal, right? About the fact that I'm "using" my theory of everything is as it should be to feel guilt-free about not doing anything to help the environnement and make a revolution, and save all the fucking starving kids in Africa. The truth is, I'm not using that, because I have thought about all this, and it's not out of laziness that I decided not to help, nor pessimism. As I also told you, I once thought like you do now. I did want to save everyone and I felt bad for those who didn't have the luck that I have. But experiences in my life have taught me that it's not worth it. Yes, I do feel that there is nothing to do about it, but if it was only for that, I would still try to help, because I would feel it deserves a chance. Do you understand? It is a choice. It's not because I feel like it's a desperate cause that I don't do anything. And by the way, who between us two is the pessimistic one? You are always whining about the world being a terrible place, society sucks, etc. I am FINE, GLAD, PERFECT about the way the world is. I think it couldn't be better. It couldn't be worse either, but it's great the way it is. It is, period. There is nothing left to add. Another thing you forgot to mention in your journal entry is that for me, being selfish doesn't mean me , myself, and I. It means that I go first, but that I care about people I love. Of course, you didn't want to mention that, because it wouldn't have had the effect you wanted to give, i.e. I am an evil selfish person and you are a nice man with a social consciousness. But there IS something you forgot. Something I never even thought of telling you when we discussed the other day but that really resumes E-VE-RY-THING. You ask me to try and save the world, or give it a try, when I don't even believe in doing this. You, however, believe firmly we should change the world, that everyone should get involved in changing the world. Tell me Louis-David, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO TO CHANGE THE WORLD?? You want everyone to join hands and start working together, and you frown when I tell you it's impossible for everyone to think the same way, but, i repeat, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO? You probably will say that you don't really know what to do, but then, don't fucking ask me to find a solution when I don't give a shit. If you find this so important, YOU (and only you, which works in my selfish world) find a solution. That's it. You are the only responsible person to your actions, so you act and shut the fuck up. If you want the whole world to change, you better begin with yourself. THAT is my selfish thought right there.

Maybe, on the other hand, you will tell me that you do act to help. You know I've seen you act for a day, in 2 different "political" situations, and I KNOW that you always act like that. What you do overall is that: You are a photographer who likes art, and who is a true cinema lover. I know that, because I am too, and that's why we had really interesting conversations in the past. You like music, you like philosophy, you like discussing, just like right now, and you like to travel to mature. When it comes to the social interest, you go to marches, you read pamphlets, you sign petitions, and you argue with me. Big fucking congratulations. But in marches, it's not like you're the leader or the one that really is informed de fond en combles (sorry, I really thought french translated what i wanted to say). No, you are the one (or may I say the many) that's in the middle of the crowd that goes: "ouais!" (sic) and sings along whichever little song someone (not you) has invented for the cause. You were right, and I took the compliment, I am different, a classe à part. You, however, are a follower. A fucking sheep. So stop calling Marilyne a sheep. Cause between you two, you are the sheepest one, if I may say so. Yeah, sure, Marilyne doesn't have the eccentric tastes that you have, she doesn't understand philosophy as you do, she doesn't understand movies that you enjoy (majorly because you assume that she can't and put her down). Yes, she is what we can vaguely call a regular girl. But Marilyne is OK with who she is, she is somewhat true to herself. She doesn't talk about something she doesn't apply to her lifestyle. And she fucking doesn't impose her point of view. If you don't think like she does, she won't give you shit. You disregard anyone that doesn't think like you. But you don't even respect what you say. So stop mocking people, and start mocking yourself. You disregard marilyne because she is normal. Yeah, cause you are SO FUCKING SPECIAL. You think you're so weird and so unique. The thing is, everyone is like you. Or you're like everyone. You're not even yourself, you just take the words of others and put them in your mouth. Do you realize that you are like that only because it's well seen? It's a fucking trend. YOU represent your fucking evil society! You talk but don't act. There you have it.

And me, I am bad, cause I don't think of the children. Though I don't care about them, i care about the people I like and love, and I actually take care of them. I do as I say, which is a thousand times better than you, who doesn't do nothing but put down everyone else for the same reasons. You know what is the only thing I saw you concretely do? Fuck with your supposedly friends. You forget them because you hear someone talking about society. You always let them down, always judge them and advise them on things you don't do yourself, and you give them bad memories. And this is mainly the reason I'm writing this, and it goes really well with my way of thinking: I AM PISSED OFF because you give bad time to my friends, you hurt them. I love them, and it hurts me to see them like that because of you, and unregardless you, i care about them, so again, I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF AT YOU FOR DOING NOTHING BUT HURTING YOUR FRIENDS FEELINGS. You are a far more selfish person than I am, because you don't even take the time to look around you and take care of what you can. And by the way, I know you've been telling everyone they should travel somewhere and think, mature a little. I know you are doing this, but is changing positions geographically and getting away from the people you love a good way to mature? I think this is fleeing reality, and as I've seen, I don't think it had a major maturing effect on you.

One last thing. If you have something to say to that, which I'm sure you do, please try to make it simple. Your faggy way of writing things is so annoying. It gratifies you because Marilyn and Fred don't always understand what you mean, and so you think you're smart, but in fact, it just doesn't mean anything, except that you try to make a writer out of yourself. So cut the crap, and say something simple. Fear not that I can understand your faggy sentences, and thus that I can understand that you are just trying to impress.

I love you too.